When you get to 19 years old and you arnt where you wanted to be, when you step back and look at your life and realised so many people have come and gone and you have lost so much family and so many good people, knowing that sometimes it was my own fault kills me more then anything, I can’t understand why my father never wanted me I don’t know what I did to be such a disappointment to him, all I wanted was a dad who would teach me things teach me to be a man but I had to learn on my own, ill never get that back and never know what it’s like to play baseball with my dad or go to the pub with my dad, :’(
See I grew up really hard, with my father being gay I got picked on a lot and got bashed a lot, that’s why I started MMA my father told me my mum never wanted me that she tryed to put me up for adoption but it was all a lie 8 years I didn’t speak to my mother because I thought she hated me and I hated her because I believed my father lies, but when I moved out I decided to go see her and hear her side of the story and I find out my father lied to me and only wanted me to live with him so he could “win the fight” between my mum and dad. I don’t even know if my mother loves me or if she’s just loving me so she can win :’( deep down underneath all the confidence I’m really sad and lost and have no idea who I am or where I want to be
You wake up and your first thought is “I can’t do this anymore
Everyday I’m tumblring!
Single again! A year and a half just gone like that! It took so much to make it work but so little to give it up.